Dear Married Friend,
I have thought of you so many times in the last seven weeks. Since my husband left this earth, many things have come to mind that I wish I had done- or not done- during the time that we had together. Many times I have wished I could share some of these thoughts with you. They say that hindsight is twenty-twenty, but if you don't share what you learn it brings no fruit, only regret. So I want to share a few of these morsels with you. Maybe they will help you love your husband well, precious friend.
Yes, waffles. My Vince loved waffles. But waffles can be very time consuming to make, so we really only made them about once a year and then just from a mix. But they were his favorite. My counsel to you? Learn to make waffles from scratch because your husband loves them. They're his favorite, so make them for him every Saturday. Even when you want to sleep in.
Okay, maybe it's not exactly waffles, but whatever he loves… take the time, make the effort, and let him know that he's dearly loved by your actions.
The little things are the big things.
The minutia of our days are really the building blocks of our lives. The big moments are few, but there are a million little things that, put together, are our days, and those days are what make up our lives. The little things really are the most important things in our lives. If you take an amazing vacation every year and then ignore one another during your ordinary days, you will end up feeling lonely and unloved.
Skip the vacation and make every ordinary day one that you love on your husband. Pick up his dirty socks for him instead of nagging him when he gets home. Sit down and look him in the eye and listen to whatever he wants to say. Give him quiet when he's tired. Get excited to see him when he walks in the door- he's the love of your life, so run across the room and greet him with an excited hug!
The little, every day things will change your life. Make them count.
Don't let discontentment steal your days.
I hear so many women around me talking about all the things they wish their husband would do– or things they wish he wouldn't do. I listen quietly and don't say the words that are on my lips.
I wish I could remind them that they have the man they love. I wish I could remind her of all the reasons that she fell in love with him. And he's still right here. Don't let discontent and comparison and wishes steal the time you have with your husband. He's right beside you, and I bet he still loves you dearly. Don't throw away the time you have together. Instead, make sure that he knows you love him and look for things you can do for him.
Let him watch you get dressed.
Yes, you read that right. Let him watch you get dressed. Many times, women don't feel comfortable with our bodies as we age or after a bazillion babies, and so we begin to hide from our husband's gaze as we dress. Chances are that your husband loves your softness and lumps and bumps. Let him enjoy you. Don't hide.
Just forgive him and let it go.
Don't hold onto hurts. I know it's hard, but it's a choice. Ask God to help you forgive. And then let the issues go. No one needs their faults and mistakes brought up every two days. As one who no longer has her man, trust me when I say that you will miss all those faults when he's not with you anymore.
There are many days that I wonder if I loved my husband deeply enough. Did he really understand how deeply I cherished him? I hope he did.
Make sure that your husband goes to bed every single night of his life knowing that he is deeply loved and appreciated.
So dearly married friend, I hope these thoughts of mine as I reflect on my husband are of use to you. I hope that my hindsight and observations of others as I stand without the love of my life will bring you some fruit in your own marriage. I pray that you will live out your new marriage with a deep love- both given and received.
Love and live well, friend.