Love Your Husband Well

Dear Married Friend,

I have thought of you so many times in the last seven weeks. Since my husband left this earth, many things have come to mind that I wish I had done- or not done- during the time that we had together. Many times I have wished I could share some of these thoughts with you. They say that hindsight is twenty-twenty, but if you don't share what you learn it brings no fruit, only regret. So I want to share a few of these morsels with you. Maybe they will help you love your husband well, precious friend.




First, waffles.

Yes, waffles. My Vince loved waffles. But waffles can be very time consuming to make, so we really only made them about once a year and then just from a mix. But they were his favorite. My counsel to you? Learn to make waffles from scratch because your husband loves them. They're his favorite, so make them for him every Saturday. Even when you want to sleep in.

Okay, maybe it's not exactly waffles, but whatever he loves… take the time, make the effort, and let him know that he's dearly loved by your actions.


The little things are the big things.

The minutia of our days are really the building blocks of our lives. The big moments are few, but there are a million little things that, put together, are our days, and those days are what make up our lives. The little things really are the most important things in our lives. If you take an amazing vacation every year and then ignore one another during your ordinary days, you will end up feeling lonely and unloved.

Skip the vacation and make every ordinary day one that you love on your husband. Pick up his dirty socks for him instead of nagging him when he gets home. Sit down and look him in the eye and listen to whatever he wants to say. Give him quiet when he's tired. Get excited to see him when he walks in the door- he's the love of your life, so run across the room and greet him with an excited hug!

The little, every day things will change your life. Make them count.


Don't let discontentment steal your days.

I hear so many women around me talking about all the things they wish their husband would do– or things they wish he wouldn't do. I listen quietly and don't say the words that are on my lips.

I wish I could remind them that they have the man they love. I wish I could remind her of all the reasons that she fell in love with him. And he's still right here. Don't let discontent and comparison and wishes steal the time you have with your husband. He's right beside you, and I bet he still loves you dearly. Don't throw away the time you have together. Instead, make sure that he knows you love him and look for things you can do for him.


Let him watch you get dressed.

Yes, you read that right. Let him watch you get dressed. Many times, women don't feel comfortable with our bodies as we age or after a bazillion babies, and so we begin to hide from our husband's gaze as we dress. Chances are that your husband loves your softness and lumps and bumps. Let him enjoy you. Don't hide.


Just forgive him and let it go.

Don't hold onto hurts. I know it's hard, but it's a choice. Ask God to help you forgive. And then let the issues go. No one needs their faults and mistakes brought up every two days. As one who no longer has her man, trust me when I say that you will miss all those faults when he's not with you anymore.


Love deeply.

There are many days that I wonder if I loved my husband deeply enough. Did he really understand how deeply I cherished him? I hope he did.

Make sure that your husband goes to bed every single night of his life knowing that he is deeply loved and appreciated.


So dearly married friend, I hope these thoughts of mine as I reflect on my husband are of use to you. I hope that my hindsight and observations of others as I stand without the love of my life will bring you some fruit in your own marriage. I pray that you will live out your new marriage with a deep love- both given and received.

Love and live well, friend.


12 thoughts on “Love Your Husband Well

  1. I just happened to stumble across this and wanted to say that I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I am not a newlywed. I have been married to my husband for 10 years. We have 4 kids and some days it is hard not to be selfish and want more time for myself or my husband to help me make dinner. But I love him! Thank you for the reminder that God gives and takes away and that we need to be thankful and joyful for everyday he does give. My prayers are with you!

  2. All so very, very true. I was unexpectedly widowed at the ripe ol’ age of 22. Watching the casket of your beloved being lowered into the ground is earth shattering, even after having made all the funeral arrangements. It’s so very, very final. God saw fit to give me another incredible, godly husband, and I love him deeper and care for him as if I may not get the chance tomorrow.
    Sometimes when I’m feeling a little unloved, I jokingly tell him that he’d love me more deeply if he had watched the casket of his beloved being lowered into the ground. Sometimes it’s a good reminder for me to dwell upon that as a reminder that all I have comes from His hand, and to care for it mindfully.

  3. I would not consider myself a religious person, but I do believe in God. My husband and I do not attend church nor pray together. But when I ran across your article today, I have to believe it was sent to me by a higher power. My husband and I have been married 25 years. The last 2 have felt miserable, as we both are angry with each other all the time. I am not even sure what for most of the time. Passive-aggressiveness is where we live most of our days. I was just thinking today that I can’t wait til the kids grow up, and I will leave. I clicked on your article by accident. Maybe. After reading your article today, I had to think for a second how I would feel if he died today. It would be awful. I found myself crying and running to hug him. We need to figure out how to work through our anger, but thank you for reminding me that it is something I want to do. I want to stay married to this man. I want to find a way to make our life better. Together. Thank you for this reminder.

  4. Beautiful Connie! I am just coming across your blog and a lot of what you do and say resonates so deeply with me. I am also a huge homeschooling mom of five. (1 college grad, 1 in college, 1 just graduating high school, 1 middle schooler and 1 grade schooler). You are inspiring to me and look forward to following your blog. I’m so sorry for your loss and will pray for you. Peace.

  5. It brought tears to my eyes..the very thought of not having my husband around..Though we have lot of differences inspite of the fact that he is away from home for work most part of the year…we still have so much difference but I can’t imagine not having those cat fights..I respect and adore him for all the hard work he puts in for us as a family…I would just pray that God would bring restoration in your life and fill you with more love comfort friends and family to stand by you where you would never feel alone..Thank you for putting in here your experience..for your wise counsel…Thank you again.God bless 😊

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