"I'm sorry to tell you that you have a rare tumor on your adrenal gland. They're usually non-cancerous. It will need to be removed." A month and a half after I heard these words in the ER, another doctor said, "I'm sorry to say that your test came back positive for a rare genetic disease that causes adrenal tumors, a rare type of thyroid cancer, and parathyroid problems. And all of your children will need tested."
That's a lot to take in in less than 6 weeks.
But it wasn't over yet.
"You already have the thyroid cancer" was the next ball to drop in my lap.
During the time in my life when I thought I would most want to write, I found myself unable to put words together. I thought I would want to share all the things coursing through my head and heart about living through a surgery and shocking a whole team of doctors. I thought surely I would want to process hearing the words "You have cancer" come through my telephone. But I had only the words swimming in my head. They just wouldn't come out onto my computer screen.
I guess I needed time to let all the new things sit. But I also found that I had taken my thyroid for granted. I suppose we all do. My missing thyroid hormone caused a significant brain fog while we were working to find the right level of thyroid hormone replacement. (And by the way, brain fog does not really describe the depths of how your brain stops working. It was creepy.)
All this means that I didn't have words to write.
So I rested.
And I let my body heal.
And slept. A lot.
And I made stuff with yarn- just for fun, not for writing patterns. And I learned embroidery. And I started reading again. And I prayed and listened. And I played with my family.
We finally got my thyroid replacement medicines figured out. It only took a little over a year. (Ack!) I feel much more myself now. And I've learned a lot about my new normals. I need more sleep than before. My one adrenal gland likes me to stay away from stress, so I have to remember to be extra kind to myself.
But I'm alive. And I'm so thankful for God's Grace every day.
I recently took a trip to the beach for a blogging conference. Now that I feel like myself again, it was good to spend time with some of my best friends who also understand this blogging life and heart of a writer. God used the time to speak to me in ways I would not have guessed. Including a situation with the tide, and sand, and running that ended with a dead camera… and laughter.
It's been a season of rest and of healing- for both body and soul. I needed it. God was in it, and He taught me much.
I've learned that, really, these are lessons that the Father wants us all to learn.
As women… as moms… we need to be kind to ourselves.
We need rest.
We need to go to Him to let go of stress.
We need to take time to be creative. It's part of who God made us to be. Whether we make stuff that looks wonderful is a whole other story. And it doesn't really matter. We just need some sort of creative outlet. It helps our soul to rest.
We need to enjoy our people. And really take the time with them with NO distractions.
We need to be mindful every day of the wonders of being alive.
And we need to look for the joy in our every day. It's there, hidden among the thorns, and He wants to show it to us.